A new year, a new blog. Visit me at

http://www.livejournal.com/users/cyan_springer/

- posted by Cyan @ 1:30 PM |

 
It's been several weeks since my last update, go fig......
but anyway, i've been doing a lot of thinking lately, about myself, the world, and my place in all of it.

Lets face it, we all wish we could live life's like thoes we see on T.V. or read about in books, heck i've gotten to the point where i am so totally engrossed in fantasy that it become's hard to to live like i'm in one. but a little perspetive is always good.

The simple fact of the matter is this, i am happy, i am full of happiness, i am joyious of my life as it is right now. I am by no means an optimist, i have a very pessimistic side to me, but as an over all rateing of my life, it is good.

I look at these people around me that are not happy, that hate getting up to go to work, who are struggling and haveing all kinds of problems with relationships ect... (btw by "People around me" I am mostly refering to co-workers) and i have been contemplating what the difference between myself and them is that would make our outlooks on life so different.

In a way i believe that you have to know what you want in order to be happy, but at the same time i don't know everything that i want, but i also know a lot of what i don't want. i think that because i have personally defined several things in my life as how i want them to be it has enpowered me to be happy.

Lets make a list.

Sex would be great, but isn't gonna happen and i'm ok with that, i don't want a relationship, especially a high maintance one.

I enjoy a challenging and rewarding career, it also just so happens that my current position at my current employer provides me with enough challenge so as not too be bored but with goals that are reachable so that i can be satisfied with my work.

I enjoy anime, books, music, movies, and video game, i have bugeted enough money to enjoy each of these activities regurly, both by myself, and with my friends.

I enjoy the company of my friends, i love my friends, and although it may sound tacky just saying that i love them doesn't feel like it really expresses how i feel, but it's the only word i've got so i'm stickin to it.

These may sound basic, that's because they are, there are about a million and one qurks to me that each thave their own exception in a specific sercumstance that would take me forever and a half to explain. but sufficient to say that i am happy, maybe this is just a happy day? who knows.

i could elaborate for quite a while on this subject but it'd be similar to masterbation, rubbing the same thing that feels good until it erupts into gooey pleasure (not that i dont' enjoy that mind you), but for propietary's sake i'll leave it at this, although i had hoped this to be a more insightful and useful post, it really has just turned out to be yet another exercise in mental masterbation, ohh well, l8r all.

- posted by Cyan @ 1:29 PM |

 
the time is now 7:30am, my cooking skill has reached 70. I have just concluded the first test of hq synthing. 5 stacks equaling a total 60 attempts yealded 17 hq results, 42 normal results, and 1 failure.

the test was conducted half on firesday, half on earthsday, both useing advanced synth, firesday provived more hq results as well as the only failure.

Total cost for the exparimet come to circa 40K. hq synth will sell for around 20K/dozen earning a net gross of around 28K. normal synth sells for circa 7K/dozen with a net gross of 24.5

giveing us a total gross of 52.5K
minus goss expence of 40K
net Profit 12.5K

1 hour work for preperation, execuation, and post test procedurs (setting up for sale)

Conclusion: Although currently proven to work better results may come with even higher skill, therefore attaning higher skill should be made a priority once enough gill has been earned to repay depts.

Cyan

- posted by Cyan @ 6:28 AM |

 
Been a bit since last post (nothing new there) but today has been a special day, and as such deserves a post all to it's own.

Late into the night i decided that the class of Paladin just wasn't something i wanted to level any more. So i made a deal with Icy granting me about 50K gill a week in return for food in order to support myself as a RNG/NIN, Ranger was already at 22 so the task for now is leveling NIN, i think i'll take it to about 30 or so, depending on how things go in Kazam, 25 at least for sure. Then i'll switch back to Ranger, bows will be my primary focus as guns are too expensive even for one who is being funded, by the end of the year i hope to have Ranger leveld beyone my PLD (48 currently). In the process of leveling NIN one scroll is vitally important, even more so then any other, Utsusimi (or something like that), the absolute most popular, most broken spell in the game, traditoinally cost circa 140K gill. On a whim, knowing that i didn't have enough gill to purchase said scroll as yet, i went ahead and bid my entire stock of gill, about 39K, AND IT SOLD!!! Needless to say i really upset someone, but ohh well, their fault.

But that is only the begining of my good fourtune. Today when i went into work the Team lead and Front End manager were at the door, just a coincidence i'm sure, but i was told that i would be at the Gas station for a few hours today, considering that this is to become my full time occupation as of saterday i was glad for the opportunity. However as i was walking away the front end manager said that she would like to talk to me later about an oppotunity, my curiousity perked i expected to hear something most likely around the end of the day.

As luck would have it, the front end manager decided to fill up her tank with gas after she came back from lunch, on purpose or not i can't be sure, but we talked and she brought up the opportunity she spoke of. but first she gave me a compliment, weither she ment to or not, by telling me that when she told General Manager that i would be in gas he said "Well that's a big waste of talent" this kind of recognition goes to your head quick to say the least, especally when followed with a very interesting offer, that i accepted immediatly btw.

Basically they have and employee who is pregnet and will be takeign maturnity leave, they need to start training this person's replacmnet VERY SOON as training for this positon takes a while, with a level of responsability higher probably then even a COS. How you ask? The answer is simple, the sam's club i work for handles a very, very, very large amount of money each week (i'd tell you what they estimated for me, but that's something i've decided i should probably keep confidential) and well, someone has to count, store, keep track, add and subtract all that for them, if you havn't guessed by now it's the Cash/Accounting Office. As is right now they only need someone there part time, but in order to give me full time status (and benifits) i would work the cash offce, most or at least more then half of my time and would fill out my schedule with time at the Gas station. I would be classified as a cash office employee with a pay increase (how much i'm not sure yet) and would keep that payrate while working at the Gas station. So all in all, very Shweat^^

You might ask "Why did you put that all the way down here, surly this is more important then FFXI" To you i respond, Fuck off, i wanted to keep it Chronolagical (or however you spell it)

Besides, FFXI servers are down due to Tech Difficulties, this is the first time i've seen the FFXI servers crash, reminds me a bit of my days with Galaxies, tootials^^

Cyan

- posted by Cyan @ 1:34 AM |

 
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrr and even more GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so maybe i am blowing it a bit out of proportion but my feelings and professional pride have been hurt. At the meeting last night they asked us to rate our personal morale, i gave mine as a 10 for i really, really, wanted and liked to be there. After today i think it has dropped to about a 5 or 6.

Why you ask? is it because you didn't get that promotion? Not recieving it would have only been a slight let down, instead i have to endure the fact that i know i wasn't even given a fair shot at it. I meet all of their set out requirments, but for some reason i was left out of the consideration loop even though i was promised a fair shot at it.

i'm not asking for special consideration, all i'm asking is that you take everything into account, true i may be under my 90 days, but in the month and half i have been here look at the excellent job i have, far above expectations i'm sure. I would also like to point out my prior work history. Over three years witht the same company, worked my way up into their ranks of managment, was made several difficult offers to turn down when i decided ot leave to come here. That shows dedication if nothing ever has!

Take all this into consideration, including my year as manager and my lack of seniority, give me a grade, or quote, or however you want to do it and compare me to your other choices. All i wanted was a fair shot, to think for even a second that i was better then all your other choices would have been arrogant, especially since that's not my decision to make, but a fair and honest comparisson i would not think would be too much to ask for.

ok, rant over, you can move on with your lives.

- posted by Cyan @ 10:25 PM |

 
Ok so yesterday's post was a bit full of whiney self degreading and pityness. That mood carried into most of today, long story short V.P. of ops said that i can't work at my store anymore even though i have it in writeing, with his signature, saying that i could return to my store after she left. tommorow i'll give Miss M.L. a call (head of H.R.) and see if she has a different opinion, otherwise

ahh fuck it, fuck him, fuck her, FUCK*IT*ALLLLLLLLLLLL**********

ok a bit of an outburst there. everything will be ok. i can make enough money for survival from sam's, especially if i get into a higher position.

Tonight i went to another meeting, sooooo glad i did. i failed the test, sort of, it was a purposefully made difficult scanning of items, luckily i wasn't the only one who didn't do a perfect job. But that's not why i'm glad that i went. They announced that they would be makeing the announcment on friday about the filled COS position. I was a slight bit worried considering they havn't even interviewed me yet, so i pulled the front end manager off to the side (have i mentioned that i really like her, she seems like a good manager to me and most of the cashier's don't like her wich means that she probably is.) Turns out it was a bit of an oversight, and the lack of an announcment so far means a probable indecision of thier part, although who's final decision it is is beyond me. It would appear as though it will be the team lead's, she seems quite knowlegable and capable and a strong leader that people will follow because they like or respect her, it looks as though she can be tough when she needs to and doesn't let anyone take advantage of her, the way she speaks at meetings shows definate signs of someone ready to become a seriously good manager. I am sure she will make a very sound decision although from what rumor's say, favoritism runs fairly ramped though her decisions, such as the makeing of certin people full time ahead of others, although my personal experience tells me that the person in question is knowlegabe and experinced in her position and deserved that reward.

In summery, i have no fricking clue weither or not i will be given any kind of chance at all, although if the front end manager has at least some say i think i will have a fair chance of consideration and not an automatic disqualification because of my lack of seniority. although i could not and would not ask them to completly dismiss that fact i would like them to give it slightly less weight because of my proven former dedications with solid (at least to them) accetable reasons for leaveing.

Without streaching the truth i told them that the company would be mostly sold off in 3-6 years and that when that happens people just simply loose jobs. This shows that i would have stayed if i thought there a future and that i am also planning my life ahead by years and not by months, although i have plans for furture months as well.

of course they don't know about all the lately bullshit that's been happening either. and i certinly hope that they don't. In the mean time i asked H.G. for a letter of recomendation, she said that if i write it, she'll sign it, so it's just a matter of getting ahold of some officel letterhead looking stuff to print it out on.

In other news along my slightly hopefull and yet self pitying ways my fortune cookie said "You have just begun on your true path to success" or something of that nature. hmm sounds good and encourageing. i also decided that college education sounded like a good idea (as if you couldn't tell by my last post) Frcc is out, but Metro looks like a good college, they offer what i want at the location i want in the ways that i want, i just have to wait until spring to register (was about a week late for fall, go fig) they require and index score of at least 75 where as CUD wants an Index of 105-106 (can't remember) so i toughed it up and looked up my index, surpriseing higher then i thought it would be with an index of 88. good nuff for metro but not good nuff for CUD, ohh well no biggy but a little disapointing (although i'm not sure why since i did only get a 2.0 (or something close to that) gpa and a 27 on the act.) so i decided to either make myself feel better or worse by takeing an IQ test, dear god why did i do that, it hurt my head like to other. In the end, this time (i've taken many) i got a 136. this stays with my usual of scoreing between 130-150 depending on the day, mood, test ect.... but in any case i wanted to see what exactly that ment so i look it up, sort of. My understanding is that the test works in standard deviations of 15, with 100 being the norm. Basically if you score between 85-115 you are in the no deviation zone, were talking 95% of people. one standact devation would be the 70-85 or 115-130 range, either slightly below or slightly above most of the people in your age group. comprising of a much, much, smaller %, around 2.5%. The second standard of devation rangeing between 55-70 (really dumb) or 130-145 (the one i technically fall in, YAY!) comprises an even smaller percentage that is not really statistacally measurable, safe enough to say that if you score in either of these zones you are either dummer then 97.5% of the population of smarter then 97.5%. If you want to go even further then that, to the last really mesurable devation are your third standard devation people, 40-55, usually people with learning deficencies/difficulties and brain damaged people and your 145-160's who strangly enough sometime act like brain damaged people. Anything beyone 160 is just too hard to measure accuratly. (P.S. they accredit Einstien's I.Q. to be 160)

But anyway realizeing that i'm smarter then 97.5% of people really made me feel better again. Considering that i surround myself with other second devation people also makes me feel good, it's just too bad that none of them have the ambition and drive that i accredit to myself.

But then there is the Guru, yes you all know and love him, Jim the Cactus, quite possibly the only third standard devation person i have ever been friends with (still not sure about Icy, he's a strange one, or Oni for that matter.....)

He puts me to shame in the world of dedication to academics and self betterment in sooooo many ways. He works, gets paid very well, goes to school full time, live a realitivly happy life at home and still finds plenty of time for friends. not that his life is easy, it just that he has accomplished many things that i wish i myself could do.

there i go again, putting myself down in a pit is pity..... ahh welll it's late, night all

AND MAD PROPS TO THE CACTUS!!!!!

Cyan





- posted by Cyan @ 4:27 AM |

 
Giveing it another Go. Well technically classes have already started for this semester and well, i haven't signed up, for anything, at all, nope not a thing. Havn't seen a classroom in ages and to be honest with you, i'm disgusted with myself. I have all this potential and brainpower and not the willpower to use it the way it should. I'm afraid, i'll admit it. I have absolutly no idea weither or not i could get through it, both mentally and financially. It's the better thing to do tho, i know that. I know i need to get me an edumacation but working, liveing on my own, and getting learned just seems like a lot to handle. I wanna try to push myself into a better position with Sam's club but starting to take classes will severly limit my availability wich seems to be an important thing with this company. Staying flexable, eager, and ambitious seems to be the way to get ahead but in order to do that i would not be abel to do anything but perhaps an online course....

Financial aid is available, and i might even be abel to get loans and perhaps my parents will help with what little they can. Survival will be the hard part, but in the end a degree will speak for itself....

Tommorow i think i'll go head down to good ol front range and have a chat with a counsler.... maybe, just maybe, i might be abel to get an online class, aid money is probably too late but it's never too early for next year's financiel aid campaign....

DONATE NOW TO THE "GET CYAN A DEGREE PROGRAM"

Hey, it's worth a shot, after all, people still give money to polititions remember.

- posted by Cyan @ 3:17 AM |

 

The game of attempting to reach a higher, more secure financiel designation is a never ending struggle. Since the week before i started at sam's (july 14th or so, i could look it up if i really wanted to) i have been working non-stop at one job or the other. Finally after a month it is starting to take it's toll on me. For the last day or two i have been feeling from time to time mild nasia and have vomited between 2-3 times. Starting last night my throat was sore and today added a runny noise, coughing and sneezing to the list. I was afraid that this would happen but with the help of some anti-biotics and throat spray i hope to get through while still being abel to maintain an extremly high work ethic at both places. (sam's especially). along those same lines on wendsday i recieved my first "Atta-boy" (inside term for good job lacky slave) from sam's, they call it a High-Five, you get this card from a manager who thinks your doing a really good job or going out of your way ect... mine was for going out into the rain and pushing carts for an hour, not exactly a pleasent job but it wasn't horrible either, i just toughed it out like i would any other not-so-pleasent but nessacary job. Anyway you turn the card in for a button and a five doller gift card. five bucks is nice and definatly not something i'm going to turn away but i think the pin is more important, mainly because i don't see a lot of people in the cashier relm who have those pins witht the exception of the COS's and the BPA's.

Long story short, it's a good thing.

Book is good, FFXI is good, not seeing anyone from friday's for a couple of weeks now not so good. Story is kinda dead in the water (writer's block) i'll come back to it in a couple of days.

For now sleep, for sleep will help the sickness.

Cyan


- posted by Cyan @ 1:29 AM |