grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrr and even more GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so maybe i am blowing it a bit out of proportion but my feelings and professional pride have been hurt. At the meeting last night they asked us to rate our personal morale, i gave mine as a 10 for i really, really, wanted and liked to be there. After today i think it has dropped to about a 5 or 6.

Why you ask? is it because you didn't get that promotion? Not recieving it would have only been a slight let down, instead i have to endure the fact that i know i wasn't even given a fair shot at it. I meet all of their set out requirments, but for some reason i was left out of the consideration loop even though i was promised a fair shot at it.

i'm not asking for special consideration, all i'm asking is that you take everything into account, true i may be under my 90 days, but in the month and half i have been here look at the excellent job i have, far above expectations i'm sure. I would also like to point out my prior work history. Over three years witht the same company, worked my way up into their ranks of managment, was made several difficult offers to turn down when i decided ot leave to come here. That shows dedication if nothing ever has!

Take all this into consideration, including my year as manager and my lack of seniority, give me a grade, or quote, or however you want to do it and compare me to your other choices. All i wanted was a fair shot, to think for even a second that i was better then all your other choices would have been arrogant, especially since that's not my decision to make, but a fair and honest comparisson i would not think would be too much to ask for.

ok, rant over, you can move on with your lives.

- posted by Cyan @ 10:25 PM |

 
Ok so yesterday's post was a bit full of whiney self degreading and pityness. That mood carried into most of today, long story short V.P. of ops said that i can't work at my store anymore even though i have it in writeing, with his signature, saying that i could return to my store after she left. tommorow i'll give Miss M.L. a call (head of H.R.) and see if she has a different opinion, otherwise

ahh fuck it, fuck him, fuck her, FUCK*IT*ALLLLLLLLLLLL**********

ok a bit of an outburst there. everything will be ok. i can make enough money for survival from sam's, especially if i get into a higher position.

Tonight i went to another meeting, sooooo glad i did. i failed the test, sort of, it was a purposefully made difficult scanning of items, luckily i wasn't the only one who didn't do a perfect job. But that's not why i'm glad that i went. They announced that they would be makeing the announcment on friday about the filled COS position. I was a slight bit worried considering they havn't even interviewed me yet, so i pulled the front end manager off to the side (have i mentioned that i really like her, she seems like a good manager to me and most of the cashier's don't like her wich means that she probably is.) Turns out it was a bit of an oversight, and the lack of an announcment so far means a probable indecision of thier part, although who's final decision it is is beyond me. It would appear as though it will be the team lead's, she seems quite knowlegable and capable and a strong leader that people will follow because they like or respect her, it looks as though she can be tough when she needs to and doesn't let anyone take advantage of her, the way she speaks at meetings shows definate signs of someone ready to become a seriously good manager. I am sure she will make a very sound decision although from what rumor's say, favoritism runs fairly ramped though her decisions, such as the makeing of certin people full time ahead of others, although my personal experience tells me that the person in question is knowlegabe and experinced in her position and deserved that reward.

In summery, i have no fricking clue weither or not i will be given any kind of chance at all, although if the front end manager has at least some say i think i will have a fair chance of consideration and not an automatic disqualification because of my lack of seniority. although i could not and would not ask them to completly dismiss that fact i would like them to give it slightly less weight because of my proven former dedications with solid (at least to them) accetable reasons for leaveing.

Without streaching the truth i told them that the company would be mostly sold off in 3-6 years and that when that happens people just simply loose jobs. This shows that i would have stayed if i thought there a future and that i am also planning my life ahead by years and not by months, although i have plans for furture months as well.

of course they don't know about all the lately bullshit that's been happening either. and i certinly hope that they don't. In the mean time i asked H.G. for a letter of recomendation, she said that if i write it, she'll sign it, so it's just a matter of getting ahold of some officel letterhead looking stuff to print it out on.

In other news along my slightly hopefull and yet self pitying ways my fortune cookie said "You have just begun on your true path to success" or something of that nature. hmm sounds good and encourageing. i also decided that college education sounded like a good idea (as if you couldn't tell by my last post) Frcc is out, but Metro looks like a good college, they offer what i want at the location i want in the ways that i want, i just have to wait until spring to register (was about a week late for fall, go fig) they require and index score of at least 75 where as CUD wants an Index of 105-106 (can't remember) so i toughed it up and looked up my index, surpriseing higher then i thought it would be with an index of 88. good nuff for metro but not good nuff for CUD, ohh well no biggy but a little disapointing (although i'm not sure why since i did only get a 2.0 (or something close to that) gpa and a 27 on the act.) so i decided to either make myself feel better or worse by takeing an IQ test, dear god why did i do that, it hurt my head like to other. In the end, this time (i've taken many) i got a 136. this stays with my usual of scoreing between 130-150 depending on the day, mood, test ect.... but in any case i wanted to see what exactly that ment so i look it up, sort of. My understanding is that the test works in standard deviations of 15, with 100 being the norm. Basically if you score between 85-115 you are in the no deviation zone, were talking 95% of people. one standact devation would be the 70-85 or 115-130 range, either slightly below or slightly above most of the people in your age group. comprising of a much, much, smaller %, around 2.5%. The second standard of devation rangeing between 55-70 (really dumb) or 130-145 (the one i technically fall in, YAY!) comprises an even smaller percentage that is not really statistacally measurable, safe enough to say that if you score in either of these zones you are either dummer then 97.5% of the population of smarter then 97.5%. If you want to go even further then that, to the last really mesurable devation are your third standard devation people, 40-55, usually people with learning deficencies/difficulties and brain damaged people and your 145-160's who strangly enough sometime act like brain damaged people. Anything beyone 160 is just too hard to measure accuratly. (P.S. they accredit Einstien's I.Q. to be 160)

But anyway realizeing that i'm smarter then 97.5% of people really made me feel better again. Considering that i surround myself with other second devation people also makes me feel good, it's just too bad that none of them have the ambition and drive that i accredit to myself.

But then there is the Guru, yes you all know and love him, Jim the Cactus, quite possibly the only third standard devation person i have ever been friends with (still not sure about Icy, he's a strange one, or Oni for that matter.....)

He puts me to shame in the world of dedication to academics and self betterment in sooooo many ways. He works, gets paid very well, goes to school full time, live a realitivly happy life at home and still finds plenty of time for friends. not that his life is easy, it just that he has accomplished many things that i wish i myself could do.

there i go again, putting myself down in a pit is pity..... ahh welll it's late, night all

AND MAD PROPS TO THE CACTUS!!!!!

Cyan





- posted by Cyan @ 4:27 AM |

 
Giveing it another Go. Well technically classes have already started for this semester and well, i haven't signed up, for anything, at all, nope not a thing. Havn't seen a classroom in ages and to be honest with you, i'm disgusted with myself. I have all this potential and brainpower and not the willpower to use it the way it should. I'm afraid, i'll admit it. I have absolutly no idea weither or not i could get through it, both mentally and financially. It's the better thing to do tho, i know that. I know i need to get me an edumacation but working, liveing on my own, and getting learned just seems like a lot to handle. I wanna try to push myself into a better position with Sam's club but starting to take classes will severly limit my availability wich seems to be an important thing with this company. Staying flexable, eager, and ambitious seems to be the way to get ahead but in order to do that i would not be abel to do anything but perhaps an online course....

Financial aid is available, and i might even be abel to get loans and perhaps my parents will help with what little they can. Survival will be the hard part, but in the end a degree will speak for itself....

Tommorow i think i'll go head down to good ol front range and have a chat with a counsler.... maybe, just maybe, i might be abel to get an online class, aid money is probably too late but it's never too early for next year's financiel aid campaign....

DONATE NOW TO THE "GET CYAN A DEGREE PROGRAM"

Hey, it's worth a shot, after all, people still give money to polititions remember.

- posted by Cyan @ 3:17 AM |

 

The game of attempting to reach a higher, more secure financiel designation is a never ending struggle. Since the week before i started at sam's (july 14th or so, i could look it up if i really wanted to) i have been working non-stop at one job or the other. Finally after a month it is starting to take it's toll on me. For the last day or two i have been feeling from time to time mild nasia and have vomited between 2-3 times. Starting last night my throat was sore and today added a runny noise, coughing and sneezing to the list. I was afraid that this would happen but with the help of some anti-biotics and throat spray i hope to get through while still being abel to maintain an extremly high work ethic at both places. (sam's especially). along those same lines on wendsday i recieved my first "Atta-boy" (inside term for good job lacky slave) from sam's, they call it a High-Five, you get this card from a manager who thinks your doing a really good job or going out of your way ect... mine was for going out into the rain and pushing carts for an hour, not exactly a pleasent job but it wasn't horrible either, i just toughed it out like i would any other not-so-pleasent but nessacary job. Anyway you turn the card in for a button and a five doller gift card. five bucks is nice and definatly not something i'm going to turn away but i think the pin is more important, mainly because i don't see a lot of people in the cashier relm who have those pins witht the exception of the COS's and the BPA's.

Long story short, it's a good thing.

Book is good, FFXI is good, not seeing anyone from friday's for a couple of weeks now not so good. Story is kinda dead in the water (writer's block) i'll come back to it in a couple of days.

For now sleep, for sleep will help the sickness.

Cyan


- posted by Cyan @ 1:29 AM |

 
Position Open, Job Description: COS (Checkout Supervisor)
Requirments: Multi-Tasking, Mature, Interest in future growth, strong sense of urgency, no active coaching ect...

Now if this doesn't scream YO!!! CYAN!!!! WTF ARE YOU WAITING FOR!!!!! THIS IS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then i doupt anything ever will.

An interesting conundrum and quandry. About one week prior i was in the breakroom talking with a girl from jewelry who announced that she wanted to be a COS, this being a goal i have myself i inquired as to how one would go about doing so.

"Six months at your current position, no active coaching, and you have to know all the code's"
This of course meant that i now had a time frame from wich to plan, six months. However at the cashier's meeting on Wendsday the Front End Manager and the Team Lead announced that we needed to cut back on labor by haveing part time employee's drop down to about 27 hours a week. This of course would be very bad for the Cyan.

So i waited until after the meeting and pulled the Front End Manager aside and asked her how long it was to last, about 2 weeks is what she came up with, until labor day weekend. I made sure to reenforce how much i wished to work my way up and become full time asap ect.... she told me to pay attention to the job postings because they rarely post non-full time positions. I told her that i was under the impression that you were supposed to wait until your first 90 days were over before applying for a change of scenery. We then discussed the finer points of why a company would have a 90 day rule, mainly to ensure good work ethic, if they can last 90 days with excellent work ethic then they will most likely perform that way for all times, because most people can be good for 30-60 days, but 90 is a lot harder. She also made it very clear that although they would not usually consider someone under their 90 days that there are always exceptions to the rule.

So her i am, 3 weeks into my employment (most definatly under my 90 days) with a job opportunity that absoluty screams at me, that has written on it no requirment that would disqualify me. One person on one side that says anything is possible and someone on the other who would die if i got the positon rather then her telling me they won't even look at me.

Personally i say fuck it, whats the worst that can happen, they tell me no and i try again the next time a position is open. I meet all the requirments presented officiely and more or less have the blessing of the Front End Manager to try and pursue such a cause.

Besides i have four things working in my favor, I have Intelligence, Talent, Experience and Ambition, what do these other people have, Seniority?

Mood: Encouraged

- posted by Cyan @ 8:23 AM |

 
ok so i'ts been at least a week since my last post. Things have been going quite well for me lately. Of the four days i had planned to work at the other store while i finish off my last days as a manager it turns out that i only have to work two, tuesday and today. Also it would appear that after being humiliated by the fact that she was caught in a lie the little person who tried to sabotage my career has decided that she would no longer like to work for this company. This comeing with absolutly no intentional influence from myself. This of course meaning that i may continue to work at my store as a driver rather then being transfered to another store.

Hard to believe that it's only been two weeks since i started to work for Sam's club. I'm already feeling like they are depending on me. It's too bad i didn't do this sooner. If i had hit my 90 days already i could apply for one of their currently open positions. The one that caught my eye the most was a full time electronics section floor associate. Now that's something that i could get into. but alas i'm required to work for my first 90 days in my selected section (cashier) before transfereing to antoher department. It's a start at least. Who knows maybe a COS will quit and i can apply to fill in one of their shoes.

But anyway it's time for me to head to my last day as a Domino's Pizza Manager. ttyl.

- posted by Cyan @ 3:30 PM |